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:icondeadorsleeping: More from DeadOrSleeping


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Words by HerrTrauer

Literature by DevilsJewel94

Writing by PastMisfortunes


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Submitted on
September 16, 2012
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1.3 KB
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3,159
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Love lies.

And I was never in love.
I will deny it every time you ask.
I will say "No."
I will say "It didn't mean anything."
I will say "I'm fine."

Love lies
In your fingertips as you trace
The curves of my body,
Memorizing every turn.
And I was happy.

But suddenly I'm screaming and
Holding my head in my hands
Because I can't remember how to breathe.
And I'm pounding my dashboard because
I can't handle listening to this song anymore.
But I don't like the silence.

Love lies,
And I didn't ask for this.
I didn't mean to spit my heart out so close
To your feet because you keep stepping on it,
And I don't think you even realize it.

I don't want to lean into your words
As they fall from your soft lips
Because I know that they're false.
And it makes me angry as hell.

I guess what I'm saying is:
I don't need you.
I don't want you.
I was never yours.

Love lies.

And I was never in love.
I will deny it every time you ask.
I will say "No."
I will say "It didn't mean anything."
I will say "I'm fine."
I have nothing left to say.

9/17/12
EDIT:
My goodness! I just wanted to thank all of you for all of your support! It means so much to me. Thank you all for reading. :)
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:iconxistormix:
XIStormIX Featured By Owner Jul 21, 2013   Digital Artist
Very emotional and very deep.  I loved it.  Bravo!  Your spin with words is amazing. 
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:icondeadorsleeping:
DeadOrSleeping Featured By Owner Jul 21, 2013  Student Writer
Thank you! :D
Reply
:iconxistormix:
XIStormIX Featured By Owner Jul 21, 2013   Digital Artist
You are so very welcome!  :D
Reply
:iconjustdeva:
justdeva Featured By Owner Mar 28, 2013
wow!
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:icondeadorsleeping:
DeadOrSleeping Featured By Owner Mar 28, 2013  Student Writer
:) thanks!
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:iconmagicaljoey:
MagicalJoey Featured By Owner Dec 21, 2012   Writer
I will be critiquing this piece on behalf of
:icongrammarnazicritiques:

Firstly, I like the way you tie the title in with the rest of the piece, without it giving away too much of what your piece is about.

Now, the crit:
:bulletred: ST = Stanza
:bulletred: L = Line

I love how you switch from 'happy in love' in ST 2 to 'something went wrong' in ST 3.

I'm guessing that the 'song' mentioned in ST 3 is the song of the couple, and that the silence is how their relationship has turned out. Just a guess though (because I suck at guessing).

After ST 3 things take a turn for the 'painful' part of love, and I like the difference between ST 2 and the rest of the piece.

I love the image of spitting out one's heart. It's very original.

As previously mentioned in another comment, I like the repetition of ST 1 as the final ST. It sums things up nicely, as having it as ST 1 and then going into ST 2 makes one know something is going to go wrong, but having it at the end concludes and explains it all with more clarity.

Your use of enjambment it great, as is your use of punctuation.

Your imagery is great and one can picture what is happening during the piece as one reads through it.

Overall:
A very emotional piece that tells a great story and is well written.

:star::star::star::star::star:
Jo
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:iconphillipskid32:
phillipskid32 Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
When you write about love, there are so many directions you can go. I felt that the direction you went was very original, you present what love is with a very calm attitude, but I also pick up resentment. I also love(no lie) the repetition of the first and last stanza, it's as if your being given a reminder of the cruelties of love.
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:icondeadorsleeping:
DeadOrSleeping Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2012  Student Writer
Thank you! And thanks for taking the time to give me feedback. I appreciate it. :)
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:iconha-heeprime:
Ha-HeePrime Featured By Owner Sep 18, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
This is amazing. So powerful. Way to not mince or waste words. Glad I found and read it.
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:icondeadorsleeping:
DeadOrSleeping Featured By Owner Oct 15, 2012  Student Writer
Thank you! :D
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