|Deviant Login||Shop||Join deviantART for FREE||Take the Tour|
I Am WishingI am wishing I wasn't alone,
That my brain would shut off,
That people would listen
When I whisper the undeniable truth.
But if no one listens
Then who the hell cares?
I am wishing that you were here
To smother my nightmares
And make me feel like I am safe.
If they can't see what I see
When I close my eyes
Then is it really there?
I am wishing that you still loved me,
That you would feel more for me
Than you do for her,
But I will never be good enough.
If you hold me and say everything is fine
Will it be a lie?
And I just wish you would say something
Because the silence screams
More truth than I can take.
And I just miss the sound of your voice like crazy.
But if I can't feel my own heart beating in my chest
Does that mean I am no longer living?
I don't know
I Might Need YouI think I might need you,
But here's the thing:
I'm spinning out of control
And careening off the side of the road.
I pretend to hold on to the wheel,
But we both know I'll crash.
It wasn't a fair fight.
If you would listen,
If you would actually listen,
You would hear me whispering
"I want you."
"I need you."
And if you would listen,
If you would actually listen,
You would know that
We are horribly wrong
For each other,
And that my words mean nothing.
But what's to stop us from
Sharing our sheets anyway?
We sleep folded together
Like slips of origami paper
Pressed so tightly that
We could not possibly split.
I think I might need you,
But here's the thing:
I really wish I didn't.
I wish it was you,
And not me.
I Need You To KnowStop.
I need you to stop what you're doing
And listen to me for a second.
I need you to understand my words
Even though they fall carelessly from my lips.
It will only take a few minutes, I promise.
I need you to know that I love you,
And that I always have.
I cared for you more than myself.
Nothing else matter as long as
You were there to comfort me,
And I thank you for that.
I think you should know that when I
Woke up this morning my first thoughts
Were of you, as they are every morning.
I wanted to know how you felt,
If you were okay,
If you were thinking of me…
Now for the hard part:
I need you to know that I don't want this.
Because it completely blindsided me.
I was suddenly picked up out of this universe
And thrown into another.
And now I am constantly needing a reminder of how to breathe.
I did not ask for this.
I could have picked someone better;
Someone who would wrap their arms
Around my waist and mean it when
They say that everything is okay,
But I didn't. I didn't choose.
MaybeYour body has been used
By all of those who are broken.
The ones who are trying to repair
Their own wounds with
No regards towards your own.
You are a hand for him to hold
While he thinks of her
And tries to forget the emptiness
And the fact that he is alone.
For a brief moment while
He is inside of you,
You feel as if you are the
Missing half of the whole,
And it is perfect.
He recites memorized lines
And you wonder who else
Has heard them before you,
But you tell yourself that
You're the first anyway.
Your body has been used
By all of those who are broken,
And you begin to wish that
You could be loved once,
And loved most.
We Will Never BeI met you on August 18th of 2008.
I remember how hot it was in the classroom
That day and how your eyes widened with confusion
As I sat down next to you.
I will never forget those eyes.
You loved Mondays and dreaded Fridays.
I thought you were crazy and you told
Me that the only reason was so you
Could see me in school.
I still thought you were crazy.
We would do our math assignments on the
Playground and talk about our lives.
We were so different, but you always
Insisted that we were absolutely perfect.
I wish I would have known how right you were.
I miss you so much that I can't sleep.
But I have to keep moving because you
Promised me that we would be again, remember?
You held my hand for a second too long and
Told me that you would see me tomorrow.
And I believed you because your eyes had that same
Warm look in them that you always got when
You would tell me something important.
I've seen you three times since then, and we
Have walked away from each other
I Can't Hear You AnymoreThe clouds are heavy tonight,
And I am suffocating,
Choking on my own words
As they fly from my mouth.
You never cared about yourself,
And after your death that
Became hard to think about.
(But I do anyway.)
I suddenly find myself missing
The years we had spent together
And how spider webs would form in
The corners of your eyes when you smiled.
But the thing is that I can’t hear you anymore.
I can’t remember the sound
Of your voice or the feeling of
Your hands as they touched my lips.
You once told me that home
Is where you lie,
But I hate it here, and
I hate living with these ghosts.
I'm Still HereI am screaming again and
Throwing my fists into my mattress.
I am laying here trying so hard
To be something more than this.
My sheets are crumpled from
Being horribly wide awake
And restlessly unconscious,
But they still smell like you.
And it is achingly cruel.
I don't believe I will die,
But I do believe in reckless behavior
Because as hard as I try I
Will never be good enough for you.
My hands don't fit in yours
But I keep trying to force them to.
And I know you will let me
Because I am weak and I
Will undress when you ask me to,
But I really hope you don't.
I am screaming again and
It shakes my bones.
I scream until my voice breaks
And there is nothing left.
I am hollow.
I am empty.
I am too far gone.
When I'm GoneI want to tell you something although I
Don’t know why I even try.
You were never the type who liked
To listen to what was on my mind,
But I’ll just keep talking anyway.
Maybe this time I’ll get through.
Here’s the thing:
I want to be the reason why
You can’t sleep at night,
Or the reason you don’t eat.
I want you to feel that twist
In your stomach when you see
Something that reminds you of me.
I want you to know the
Feeling of a heart that has been torn.
It beats in your chest, but it still isn't
Enough to convince you that you’re alive.
I want you to feel emptiness every
Time you realize that I’m not there,
And that it is because of you.
Believe me when I say I don’t
Miss you, and that I never could have
Possibly been in love with you.
I want you to see what you've done,
And actually mean it when you say you’re sorry.
I want so many things that will never happen
All because you were better than I was.
I would be lying if I said that I didn't
Think of you every time I close my eyes,
That my mind doesn't wander to thoughts
Of you whenever I'm lonely,
That I don't whisper your name
While I sleep.
Truth be told, I am inevitably in love with you.
In a way that makes my heart skip a beat every time
I see you smile, every time I hear you laugh.
It's the fact that I still get butterflies whenever
You lightly whisper my name in my ear
That lets me know we are something more.
Nothing has ever seemed so comforting than
The feeling of your arms wrapped around my waist.
I smile up to you as we share a brief connection of
Soft lips and grazing teeth that makes me swoon.
Believe me when I say that I think of you
Every time I close my eyes,
That my mind always wanders to thoughts
Of you when I'm lonely,
That I whisper your name while I sleep.
Believe me when I say that I love you,
That there's nowhere I'd rather be
Than with you.
Nothing's WrongAre you okay?
I walk away
Can't stand to look
At your face
Straight into your eyes
Without that feeling
That I despise
Are you okay?
Keep my head down,
Hand's in my pockets
I smile along
Except for me falling apart
That fear to leave my home
That fear to return
The fear of being followed
If you can't see it in me
Are you okay?
What does it look like?
To elude my true feeling
The blue under the red
But I say nothing
No one calls for help
Neither do I.
It's just one large social experiment.
I can't play the clown anymore
No longer can I smile
Are you okay?
It doesn't seem that way, are you sure?
You don't care anyway
You tried to take my life away
You pretend like it's fun and games
You made me fall right from the start
This is why I'm falling apart.
Hands in pockets
HeartI left my heart's door open,
But no one walked in.
I laughed but no one laughed with me.
All that's left is a symphony.
It's coming from the back of my heart.
I'm waiting for someone to hear it.
Will you listen?
To match a gentle smile-
Beloved, never let that fade,
No matter how life
Attempts to bring you
To your knees.
I feel like someone
Has been ripping
My heart out slowly,
Day by day-
Seeing that grin
Is the only thing
That can soothe me.
Dearest, heed me-
I know not what
Think not of me
When deciding your future-
As long as you keep smiling
In those pictures,
Even if you're
In someone else's arms,
I will be content -
If not happy-
In the knowledge that
You are fulfilled.
The Blame Game. The Blame Game
How about we play a game.
So we will know who is to blame.
We'll spin the dice and take a turn.
And hurt each other until it burns.
I can't believe what you have done.
Filled us with lies of Kingdom come.
You preached of a God oh so great.
Yet now it seems we are of different fates
There will be no hypocrites beyond His door.
Nor salvation for the wicked to their core.
No place for the deceitful with silver tongues
or those who have been lost since they were young.
For you who cant stand to see your mother.
Have only become a dreadful bother.
Spewing your hate from here to there.
You will one day face a life so bare.
You speak of a Kingdom and Father's love,
Yet when faced a problem; were the first to shove.
A coward hiding behind twisted lies.
Then questioned why we broke all ties.
Don't get me started on your transgressions.
Your problems you caused with pure aggression.
You fought, and screamed, and manipulated.
Your husbands left beaten and berated
If youIf you were the sun, I want to be your sky
If you were the moon, I want to be the stars
If you were a performer, I want to be your stage
If I was the moon, youd be the sun
If I was a leaf, you would be the gentle breeze that blows me away
If I was lost, would you look for me?
If love was the opening act, wed be the main event
If there was a painting, wed be the colors
If you loved me, my world would be all light.
Where Angels PlayWhere Angels Play:
A lonely spark appears before me tonight
amongst the struggles deep inside of me...
Should I give in, will I breathe in?
How much more can I be forced to take
before my soul breaks?
Shards crashing into me
letting me know I am alive
I am barely breathing...
The moon lights my pathway
deep in dark, where we will fade
I've walked past the archway
Where angels will play...
The warmest touch, upon my skin
Wings that glow with sacred light, from deep within
They have come to take me back, to where I've been
Gone away into the winds, my voice forever lingering
Do I alone escape this and find my peace
without concern for what is left behind
Even if I could close my eyes in endless rest
The thought of you keeps me breathing...
The angel that leads me, deep in dark, where I seem to fade;
The lonely spark that keeps me, is the warmth of your heart...
-Chen Yuan Wen, 30th September 2012
RememberCould anyone remember those days spent?
Those days spent in dust, blood, gunfire, blazing sun..
Fathers, Brothers, Sisters and Mothers forced away from home,
With family unsure if they'll ever make it back.
They can remember.
Those who know, and never forget,
Are the ones who made sure you could sleep at night in peace.
They gave the illusion of unconditional freedom.
They lived, fought, and died for us back Home.
Always fly our flag with pride.
Never forget what they have done.
Remember the sacrifices,
Remember Freedom Is Never Free.
Simply YouA complexion unadorned with the demons of society.
Eyes with gentle waves that cleanse me of worry.
Lips as delicate as the petal of a rose.
A smile so bright the moon is full with envy.
Laughter that fills my ears with the most beautiful of melodies.
A soul of age, of wisdom, and of strength.
A heart that pounds with love for you.
Like Shattered GlassBroken bones like shattered glass
Crash down to the floor.
Her screams go unnoticed
Until she falls eerily silent.
"Shhh, it's only me."
Can anyone hear?
Does anyone know?
Arms pinned above her head,
She freezes in fear.
Please let it be quick this time.
Please let this end.
Close your eyes, child
And leave your body behind.
Tapped in these moments
I cannot forget.
I will always remember, and I cannot
may as well buy another packcollapse, and breathe into the carpet:
sunday mornings are not
for falling apart, but damn
the amphorics, this
is not an atmosphere.
you fell in love like you always
wish you didn't, made all their
smiles replaceable, interchangeable,
fell asleep with shadows and kept
drinking, just letting yourself sleep
with blue pills
and tried not to scream.
(keep this image in your head:
fire and nectarines, a sudden jerk
of realization, inspiration
breaking your neck and leaving you forever
breaking bones is not so different
from breaking hearts - it's all about
the leverage, the angle, the mode
(and at least it wasn't personal;
it can color in your own guilt
for starting lines and never ending
A Turning Point in the Clockwork WarA war of attrition
depends on supply and drawdown,
how much you have and how much you use up.
With personnel, the balance concerns
the influx of recruitment versus
the outflow of casualties, deserters, invalids.
There is only so much loss
that a fighting force can sustain
and still fight.
Pilot Claude Archer was the first
to challenge his invalid discharge.
"I don't need legs to fly," he said,
patting the healed stumps of his thighs.
"My Osprey runs on elbow grease."
The members of the discharge board
paused and looked at each other.
What he said was true.
The Osprey-class fighter jets
relied on hand controls,
and a sharp eye and iron nerve.
Fingers flicked through the stack
of discharge papers -- so many, many pages.
So many soldiers lost, never to fight again.
They could not afford to let slip even one
who might be retained, somehow,
to face the front line once more.
Far less could the war effort spare
one of its best pilots.
So they put Pilot Archer back on the roster,
Keep in Touch!