Stop. I need you to stop what you're doing And listen to me for a second. I need you to understand my words Even though they fall carelessly from my lips. It will only take a few minutes, I promise.
I need you to know that I love you, And that I always have. I cared for you more than myself. Nothing else matter as long as You were there to comfort me, And I thank you for that.
I think you should know that when I Woke up this morning my first thoughts Were of you, as they are every morning. I wanted to know how you felt, If you were okay, If you were thinking of me…
Now for the hard part: I need you to know that I don't want this. Because it completely blindsided me. I was suddenly picked up out of this universe And thrown into another. And now I am constantly needing a reminder of how to breathe.
I did not ask for this. I could have picked someone better; Someone who would wrap their arms Around my waist and mean it when They say that everything is okay, But I didn't. I didn't choose.
I want you to know that I miss you Every single second of every single day, But I don't want this anymore. I don't want to worry about when I Will see you next, or whether or not You'll feel like talking to me today.
I need you to know that I'm finally gone Because I don't want to be stuck in the why's anymore. I need you to know that I'm terrified Because I don't remember what life is without you. Lastly, I need you to know that despite everything, I will never forget the feel of my hand in yours.
First Impressions I think you did a nice job writing this and I definitely understand why you cried while writing this piece; I as the reader was able to feel your emotion as I read.
Minor Corrections Even though this piece is poetry, it still has to typically follow the same rules as regular writing. What I mean is not every line has to start with a capital when it is part of the previous sentence. Where ever you have a comma the word after it should not be capitalized because it is all one sentence. But since this is free verse, it is really up to you to make that change or not.
In the second stanza you write, "Nothing else matter as long as" "matter" should be changed to "Mattered." since you are writing in the past tense in this section.
You always need to watch out for your tense. In the first stanza you write in present and then you switch to past tense halfway through the second stanza. The tense change isn't that major but you do it throughout your piece, so I would just watch for that in the future.
Overall I really liked what you did with this piece and I think you nailed the emotion. Just take my corrections into consideration and know that they are only suggestions
Donald Kennedy of
Kody Koala is an
artist based in El
Paso, Texas. He has
been creating custom
toys and figures for
almost 7 years.
Below are some of
came in like a chain
+ Chewbacca =
T OF: dA-Supporters
:aww: Here's the
ters: group. :la:
You will see here
figured it out from
hours.Maybe they had
to take some time.I
know how it goes
from wrong and
sound.Did they ever
hold each other
they ever fightLike
us?We can make it
'til the end.Nothing
Bluefley has a gallery filled with artwork that whisks you off in to a Sci-fi daydream, and keeps you captivated for hours. Marc has been a member of our community for over a decade and has achieved nothing but success with his astounding commitment to interacting with the community, sharing a prolific amount of video tutorials and generally being an all round rockstar deviant. It is no joke that we are absolutely delighted to award the Deviousness Award for April 2014 to ... Read More