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Submitted on
December 9, 2012
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Stop.
I need you to stop what you're doing
And listen to me for a second.
I need you to understand my words
Even though they fall carelessly from my lips.
It will only take a few minutes, I promise.

I need you to know that I love you,
And that I always have.
I cared for you more than myself.
Nothing else matter as long as
You were there to comfort me,
And I thank you for that.

I think you should know that when I
Woke up this morning my first thoughts
Were of you, as they are every morning.
I wanted to know how you felt,
If you were okay,
If you were thinking of me…

Now for the hard part:
I need you to know that I don't want this.
Because it completely blindsided me.
I was suddenly picked up out of this universe
And thrown into another.
And now I am constantly needing a reminder of how to breathe.

I did not ask for this.
I could have picked someone better;
Someone who would wrap their arms
Around my waist and mean it when
They say that everything is okay,
But I didn't. I didn't choose.

I want you to know that I miss you
Every single second of every single day,
But I don't want this anymore.
I don't want to worry about when I
Will see you next, or whether or not
You'll feel like talking to me today.

I need you to know that I'm finally gone
Because I don't want to be stuck in the why's anymore.
I need you to know that I'm terrified
Because I don't remember what life is without you.
Lastly, I need you to know that despite everything,
I will never forget the feel of my hand in yours.
I cried while writing this.

I know you'll probably read it.
I'm sorry.
Add a Comment:
 
:icondr-vergissmeinnicht:
Dr-Vergissmeinnicht Jun 2, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Hi There! I will be critiquing this on behalf of :icongrammarnazicritiques:

First Impressions
I think you did a nice job writing this and I definitely understand why you cried while writing this piece; I as the reader was able to feel your emotion as I read.

Minor Corrections
Even though this piece is poetry, it still has to typically follow the same rules as regular writing. What I mean is not every line has to start with a capital when it is part of the previous sentence. Where ever you have a comma the word after it should not be capitalized because it is all one sentence. But since this is free verse, it is really up to you to make that change or not.

In the second stanza you write, "Nothing else matter as long as" "matter" should be changed to "Mattered." since you are writing in the past tense in this section.

You always need to watch out for your tense. In the first stanza you write in present and then you switch to past tense halfway through the second stanza. The tense change isn't that major but you do it throughout your piece, so I would just watch for that in the future.

Overall
I really liked what you did with this piece and I think you nailed the emotion. Just take my corrections into consideration and know that they are only suggestions :)
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:iconassureastheskyisblue:
I wish I could write the way you do. If I could articulate my words as well as you it wouldn't have taken me so long to say something. This is incredibly emotional and beautiful :hug:
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:icondeadorsleeping:
DeadOrSleeping Apr 22, 2013  Student Writer
Thank you! And I'm sure you can write beautifully! I could help you out if you ever want me to :)
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:iconnisakine:
i've been here before. i love your work :)
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:icondeadorsleeping:
DeadOrSleeping Feb 3, 2013  Student Writer
Thanks!
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:iconactsofart:
ActsofArt Jan 9, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
very emotional! this is sad but written in a lovely way.
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:icondeadorsleeping:
DeadOrSleeping Jan 9, 2013  Student Writer
Thanks! :D
Reply
:iconretrubutionist777:
Retrubutionist777 Jan 5, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
This is very very beautiful. In fact it reminds me of a situation I'm dealing with right now. This poem is eerily familiar. :huggle: But I'm so sorry you had to go through this!
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