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I Need You To KnowStop.
I need you to stop what you're doing
And listen to me for a second.
I need you to understand my words
Even though they fall carelessly from my lips.
It will only take a few minutes, I promise.
I need you to know that I love you,
And that I always have.
I cared for you more than myself.
Nothing else matter as long as
You were there to comfort me,
And I thank you for that.
I think you should know that when I
Woke up this morning my first thoughts
Were of you, as they are every morning.
I wanted to know how you felt,
If you were okay,
If you were thinking of me…
Now for the hard part:
I need you to know that I don't want this.
Because it completely blindsided me.
I was suddenly picked up out of this universe
And thrown into another.
And now I am constantly needing a reminder of how to breathe.
I did not ask for this.
I could have picked someone better;
Someone who would wrap their arms
Around my waist and mean it when
They say that everything is okay,
But I didn't. I didn't choose.
I Am WishingI am wishing I wasn't alone,
That my brain would shut off,
That people would listen
When I whisper the undeniable truth.
But if no one listens
Then who the hell cares?
I am wishing that you were here
To smother my nightmares
And make me feel like I am safe.
If they can't see what I see
When I close my eyes
Then is it really there?
I am wishing that you still loved me,
That you would feel more for me
Than you do for her,
But I will never be good enough.
If you hold me and say everything is fine
Will it be a lie?
And I just wish you would say something
Because the silence screams
More truth than I can take.
And I just miss the sound of your voice like crazy.
But if I can't feel my own heart beating in my chest
Does that mean I am no longer living?
I don't know
I would be lying if I said that I didn't
Think of you every time I close my eyes,
That my mind doesn't wander to thoughts
Of you whenever I'm lonely,
That I don't whisper your name
While I sleep.
Truth be told, I am inevitably in love with you.
In a way that makes my heart skip a beat every time
I see you smile, every time I hear you laugh.
It's the fact that I still get butterflies whenever
You lightly whisper my name in my ear
That lets me know we are something more.
Nothing has ever seemed so comforting than
The feeling of your arms wrapped around my waist.
I smile up to you as we share a brief connection of
Soft lips and grazing teeth that makes me swoon.
Believe me when I say that I think of you
Every time I close my eyes,
That my mind always wanders to thoughts
Of you when I'm lonely,
That I whisper your name while I sleep.
Believe me when I say that I love you,
That there's nowhere I'd rather be
Than with you.
We Will Never BeI met you on August 18th of 2008.
I remember how hot it was in the classroom
That day and how your eyes widened with confusion
As I sat down next to you.
I will never forget those eyes.
You loved Mondays and dreaded Fridays.
I thought you were crazy and you told
Me that the only reason was so you
Could see me in school.
I still thought you were crazy.
We would do our math assignments on the
Playground and talk about our lives.
We were so different, but you always
Insisted that we were absolutely perfect.
I wish I would have known how right you were.
I miss you so much that I can't sleep.
But I have to keep moving because you
Promised me that we would be again, remember?
You held my hand for a second too long and
Told me that you would see me tomorrow.
And I believed you because your eyes had that same
Warm look in them that you always got when
You would tell me something important.
I've seen you three times since then, and we
Have walked away from each other
When I'm GoneI want to tell you something although I
Don’t know why I even try.
You were never the type who liked
To listen to what was on my mind,
But I’ll just keep talking anyway.
Maybe this time I’ll get through.
Here’s the thing:
I want to be the reason why
You can’t sleep at night,
Or the reason you don’t eat.
I want you to feel that twist
In your stomach when you see
Something that reminds you of me.
I want you to know the
Feeling of a heart that has been torn.
It beats in your chest, but it still isn't
Enough to convince you that you’re alive.
I want you to feel emptiness every
Time you realize that I’m not there,
And that it is because of you.
Believe me when I say I don’t
Miss you, and that I never could have
Possibly been in love with you.
I want you to see what you've done,
And actually mean it when you say you’re sorry.
I want so many things that will never happen
All because you were better than I was.
I Can't Hear You AnymoreThe clouds are heavy tonight,
And I am suffocating,
Choking on my own words
As they fly from my mouth.
You never cared about yourself,
And after your death that
Became hard to think about.
(But I do anyway.)
I suddenly find myself missing
The years we had spent together
And how spider webs would form in
The corners of your eyes when you smiled.
But the thing is that I can’t hear you anymore.
I can’t remember the sound
Of your voice or the feeling of
Your hands as they touched my lips.
You once told me that home
Is where you lie,
But I hate it here, and
I hate living with these ghosts.
MaybeYour body has been used
By all of those who are broken.
The ones who are trying to repair
Their own wounds with
No regards towards your own.
You are a hand for him to hold
While he thinks of her
And tries to forget the emptiness
And the fact that he is alone.
For a brief moment while
He is inside of you,
You feel as if you are the
Missing half of the whole,
And it is perfect.
He recites memorized lines
And you wonder who else
Has heard them before you,
But you tell yourself that
You're the first anyway.
Your body has been used
By all of those who are broken,
And you begin to wish that
You could be loved once,
And loved most.
I'm Still HereI am screaming again and
Throwing my fists into my mattress.
I am laying here trying so hard
To be something more than this.
My sheets are crumpled from
Being horribly wide awake
And restlessly unconscious,
But they still smell like you.
And it is achingly cruel.
I don't believe I will die,
But I do believe in reckless behavior
Because as hard as I try I
Will never be good enough for you.
My hands don't fit in yours
But I keep trying to force them to.
And I know you will let me
Because I am weak and I
Will undress when you ask me to,
But I really hope you don't.
I am screaming again and
It shakes my bones.
I scream until my voice breaks
And there is nothing left.
I am hollow.
I am empty.
I am too far gone.
Like Shattered GlassBroken bones like shattered glass
Crash down to the floor.
Her screams go unnoticed
Until she falls eerily silent.
"Shhh, it's only me."
Can anyone hear?
Does anyone know?
Arms pinned above her head,
She freezes in fear.
Please let it be quick this time.
Please let this end.
Close your eyes, child
And leave your body behind.
Tapped in these moments
I cannot forget.
I will always remember, and I cannot
I should have seenI try
And I try
To be better
I try to be perfect
I want no fault
All for you
I only wish to be everything
And give you everything
I didn't know
I was hurting you
Again and again
You told me I was fine
There's nothing wrong
I should have understood
And accepted myself
We all have faults
It doesn't mean there's something wrong
I just wanted to reach the impossible
I wanted to be perfect
I should have seen
You love me
A New and Bright FriendshipIt's always been hard to explain my feelings
But right now I'm speechless
I've never thought I could care so much
Yet here I am
Offering my help and support
No matter what.
Some of my darkest corners
Smile when I talk to you
My worries begin to fade
And my stomach feels warm
A new and bright friendship
I'm just glad I met you.
In my Lover Arms ForeverI've waited for you for a long time
But time has kept us apart
Through the years that has happened
All I wish was to see you for a life time
Time has been cruel to all
But to me this is what fate tells us
Deep inside we were always meant to be
Cause your my lover and forever my future
Its been said to all
that we always had a purpose to live
Now I speak the truth to all
Cause my heart always tells me its right
Its been for so long
that I never had this feeling
Until the day that I met you
I knew that I was free to this world
Life has its moments to all
I have got to say that this was best of all
All the thing that we share
This is the precious gift anybody could ask for
Now all I ever want
is to be close beside you where I belong
Cause forever fate will guide us
and forever we will never be apart
This is what we all have hoped for
dreamed of, and nurtured every day
This is all I ever wanted in life
was to be safe in my Lover arms forever
Wake up loveHush now,
I'm sorry the dream must end.
It's time to wake up
and face the world.
Reality is harsh,
the people are cold,
that's how it is
and you must wake up.
For you have been asleep long enough.
Time to wake love,
and be with your people
they wait for you
and have never given up.
You can't let them down.
The alarm's going off,
and reality is waiting.
You are only human
and cannot do much
but everyone is important
and life is waiting just for you.
Can you hear their cries?
And the bellows of pain?
You can stop them
but only if you wake up.
It's time to wake up love,
and face the world.
They cry for your return
and you can't let them down.
I Loved Him OnceI love him once,
That boy that made me smile,
The boy who took away all of my fears.
He was everything to me
And I never wanted to lose him.
I never wanted to see him hurt
Because I couldn’t bear to see him in pain.
He was the guy who made me feel alive.
He made me believe in who I was
And he made me see who I really am.
He’s the guy who cared about me
More than anything.
I wanted to keep him safe,
I wanted to make sure
That no one would ever hurt him,
But I couldn’t have him.
I wasn’t allowed to love him
Because I was told that I couldn’t.
So I lost my feelings for him.
I gave up on trying to love him,
But as long as I live I will always care about him.
I will always want what’s best for him
And I never want to see him hurt.
I loved that boy once,
That boy that made me smile,
The boy who took away all of my fears,
But I’ll always care about him,
And he’ll always be on my mind.
Distant Memories Of A Love Done Gone .They say it's difficult to love someone
When you can't even love yourself.
But I loved you nonetheless,
The problem was I didn't know when to stop.
You kept sending me mixed signs
Making me dizzy until I
Much less right
When our world started crumbling down and
T e a r i n g at the seams
It was so easy for you to let it fall apart.
But I, knowing no other kind of love,
desperately clung to the remaining bits,
Trying to put them back together.
Yet the pieces changed too much, too quickly,
They kept growing and
growing a p a r t,
until your world was only yours
and mine a hollow echo of its past.
Looking back now, it seems like it
All happened in a different life,
With some other you, some other me,
And the lips kissing my own were just a dream.
In absence of a poem.I chewed my pen to the nib
and swallowed the ink thoughtlessly,
but no matter how long I thought,
I couldn't say what you mean to me.
I tried, I tried and I tested,
every word in my diminutive range,
but I screwed up more pieces of paper
and happened upon something strange;
I noticed words, which have served me,
for all of my formative years,
had no power to convey my gratitude
for the times that you dried my tears.
Whenever I doubt myself (often),
You're the one who tells me I'm wrong
You lift up my chin and remind me, wait
for the good things that will come along.
I can't find a way to express how
you are the saving grace in my head.
So words can't tell you how I love you -
I hope my silence will tell you instead.
An Obituary To My ChildhoodDearly beloved; we are gathered here today to mourn the passing of a very special and dear friend to all of us...our Childhood.
Childhood. Ah, I remember you as clear as yesterday. You were certainly my truest friend throughout the years--with you, I could do anything. I could be anything.
Do you remember that for every white rabbit you saw, there was a hole with Wonderland awaiting you close by?
Do you remember when those shimmers in the air on a really hot day was actually Tinkerbell, trying to give you some pixie dust?
Do you remember seeing something out of the corner of your eye, and automatically you knew it was something from an enchanted forest just waiting for you to follow?
I do. I remember it all. Back then, imagination was the true form of currency. What are these "checks" and "credit cards" you speak of? All I need to do is think really hard, and I'll have some gold to give you!
But those days are over. We are not allow
MistakesIf every mistake I ever made
was a scar on my body
there would be no pure skin.
Every inch would host a jagged line
where my so called 'selfish pride'
managed to get the better of me.
Idiot mistakes of my youth,
and moronic declarations
of what I thought was insignificant.
Mistakes, errors of judgment,
a complete lapse in sense,
that litter my skin with memories of pain.
For a moment
I thought I was important
not someone to be overlooked.
My selfish pride betwixt me
for everything was little
compared to the pride I raised.
A fall to Earth
waking on concrete
no one besides me.
My mistakes are scars
littering my skin
tainting once pure flesh.
Blunders of thoughts,
guilt as endless as the sky,
never ending weight of it.
are meant to be just that
Though they haunt my thoughts everyday
I can't help but hope that one day
they will be scars instead of thoughts
so everyone else will know
they thoughts that haunt me everyday.
I Might Need YouI think I might need you,
But here's the thing:
I'm spinning out of control
And careening off the side of the road.
I pretend to hold on to the wheel,
But we both know I'll crash.
It wasn't a fair fight.
If you would listen,
If you would actually listen,
You would hear me whispering
"I want you."
"I need you."
And if you would listen,
If you would actually listen,
You would know that
We are horribly wrong
For each other,
And that my words mean nothing.
But what's to stop us from
Sharing our sheets anyway?
We sleep folded together
Like slips of origami paper
Pressed so tightly that
We could not possibly split.
I think I might need you,
But here's the thing:
I really wish I didn't.
I wish it was you,
And not me.
Keep in Touch!